How many of us grew up on The Kids in the Hall? How many of us have wished for a fish dinner with Paul Bellini, the mysterious and ephemeral fifth Kid, at a convenient airport hotel?

Well, believe it or not, Bellini hosts a more-or-less regular show over at the Flying Beaver Pubaret which is, mind-blowingly, cover-free! Yeah, you can actually just waltz in off of Parliament Street (near Carlton), order a beverage, and rub naked or clothed elbows (your choice) with the one and only Paul Bellini.

The Flying Beaver is a delightfully intimate venue with room for maybe 80 to 100 people if everyone stood shoulder to shoulder, and has not ceased to amaze me with some of the personalities it has managed to attract. I’m sure owners Maggie and Heather‘s seemingly endless connections to Canadian comedy, the best form of comedy, help a lot.

What I’m trying to get at is, basically, that The Flying Beaver is an incredible Toronto-gem-hosting Toronto gem that has thus far managed to stay brow-furrowingly audience free. Even during its bigger shows, Sarah and I have never had a problem getting a table. To me, this must be simply because most of Toronto has not yet been made aware of the wonders of the Flying Beaver, meaning you still have an opportunity to experience it, and its incredible personalities, very much in the flesh.

I get the feeling that even the Toronto Sun kinda gets that the latest vote on transit funding isn’t exactly the shining moment that Ford is making it out to be.

Rather than celebrate Ford’s victory, the Sun took the opportunity to attack Karen Stintz, claiming that Ontario Transportation Minister Glen Murray called her a “roadblock” in the process of getting shit done. She says that it won’t be possible to move forward on any less than $1.8 billion, Murray says $1.4 billion is all that’s coming.

This comes after Ford revived the whole subways debate on a wing and a prayer with none of the funding “guarantees” he’s so fond of. It’s critical to note the $8.2 billion in transit funding under the Transit City project that Ford summarily, and probably illegally, dismissed as his very first act of destruction at City Hall (but only after voting in favour of it first, of course).

If Stintz is a “roadblock” simply for saying that the city will need more funding, what does that make Rob Ford?

Not that it’ll matter much in the long run, because the results of the various votes on the issue leave even more room for the whole thing to fail. Essentially, Council voted to keep any new taxes out of the equation; even Ford’s latest in a series of attempts at raising taxes was rebuffed. They also voted to make the whole thing hang on the $1.8 billion number that Stintz put forward (I guess that makes them all, including the Fords, “roadblocks”).

So those goals are a bit lofty for starters. But then Council voted on having a funding commitment by September 30th, so far with no business case or any real proposals beyond this (which I tiefed from the National Post):

As you can see, the proposed subway has less than half the stops of the LRT plan with a not-so-small distance between stops on the underground route which would be subject to the same problems that the system has thus far experienced and will continue to be a victim to.

It’s not realistic to believe that the sections of the city where subways will be built won’t be shut down for safety reasons, so in terms of inconvenience, they wouldn’t be any better for pedestrians or commuters. And that will be the situation for about 5 years with the LRT, compared to an optimistic 10 years for subways.

Once built, the LRT will be within walking distance of roughly twice as many people as the nearest subway stop. Yes, there are some perks, such as a larger overall passenger capacity of the subway over light rail, but that won’t become an issue for some time; both systems are expected to be running, at peak times, half to less-than-half empty by 2031.

So no, subways are not the best option given what we know (and have known for some time).

Not that it really matters —  neither the LRT or subways may ever see the light of day. There was, at one time, a viable and ready-to-go plan called Transit City, but before anyone had a chance to stick a shovel in the ground, Rob Ford summarily cancelled it and started in on this insane death spiral that the TTC is now in.

The numbers aren’t adding up, the only plan thus far has consisted of publicly blubbering rhetoric about partnerships, and now we have these extra conditions that imperil even the tenuous and ephemeral concept of subways. And all this just for Scarborough … no discussions about upgrading or maintaining the rest of the system which by 2031, is believed will require passengers to fight to the death for a seat on severely overcrowded and, thanks to Ford, extra pricey trains.

Have you ever wondered where you can find Toronto’s latte-sipping urban elites? Do you want to know where you can observe the “pinko left-wing kook” in its native habitat?

Well wonder no more!

The Star has graciously mapped it out for you in glorious hipstervision:

Sarah and I have put some love and care into our little mobile game and we’ve now released the first full version!

This edition of our seemingly simple tile-based puzzle game includes 16 tricky levels, and a bunch of fixes and enhancements we won’t bore you with.

Did I mention it’s free?

Try it out now: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=air.olliebit.FloorPig

P.S. If you don’t have an Android device, the web and iOS versions are almost ready. Hang in there!

With the Rob Ford crack “tape” seemingly lost forever, people are starting to get antsy. “Where is it?”, they’re rightfully asking. “Without it, who knows if it’s even real!”

Not precisely correct, but still, it’d be good to have a gander at that video, wouldn’t it?

And about that not being correct part, consider this for a moment; many crimes didn’t have video cameras, or good enough video evidence, to prove that they ever took place. So does that mean that all you need to do is to take someone out into a back alley and it’s your word against theirs?

In a court, that wouldn’t be the end of it. There’s this stuff called corroborating evidence — not proof, but strong hints — and in the absence of any recorded evidence we have … eye witnesses.

People tend to forget about this type of sworn evidence: people who actually saw the event in question.

Now I already know what the Ford supporters are saying: “But these are unnamed sources claiming this! Plus they’re drug dealers! Plus they’re lefties!”

Unnamed?

Poppycock!

There are at least five publicly named sources at this point — the reporters themselves — who have claimed (on record, no less), that they saw the video with their own eyes. In court, they’d be witnesses.

Drug dealers?

I doubt it. But the people who claim to own the video, probably yes. Does that mean that those people (the witnesses and the drug dealers are not to be conflated), were able to use their ill-gotten drug money to make up a sensational video? If you believe that Santa comes down your chimney every year, you might buy this one too. Does that therefore make the video fake? Highly unlikely.

Finally, is there any other corroborating evidence to link Ford to drugs? You bet there is. And there’s motive in what the mayor is currently doing too.

Seems to me that with five public and named sources, the likelihood of the video existing being high, the likelihood of the video being fake being low, the fact that not only is the whole thing believable but also likely, and finally, that everything that the Fords have subsequently done points to a clear motive — it all sounds like a pretty solid case to me.

Ford’s defense: his flaccid word.

Although I tend to lace my political analyses with a lot more profanity and not so subtle calls to action, I’m heartened to see that the mainstream media seem to be waking up to what’s happening — at least here in Canada.

Christopher Hume’s piece in the Toronto Star today, for example, demonstrates a willingness to no longer tip-toe around the issues. Although I wish I could quote the entire article, the last few-ish paragraphs sum it all up perfectly:

It was painful to watch our prime minister and chief environmental scofflaw, Boss Harper, squirm in New York last week as he tried to talk his way out of his antediluvian attitudes to climate change.

It was just as excruciating to witness Sheriff Ford’s efforts to deal with reports of a video of him apparently smoking crack. The man has yet to mount any defence beyond, “ridiculous.”

Through it all we remain so polite, deferential and glad to be of use, that a good many Torontonians lined up to denounce the media that did them the favour of revealing the mayor for what he is, an overgrown man-child who does what he wants, the city be damned.

Harper, by contrast, knows what he’s doing. He knows his actions are reckless, but to him ethics are a nicety leaders can’t afford.

Neither Harper nor Ford respect government, its institutions or the positions they hold. Both believe themselves exempt. To them, Canadians are gullible or too preoccupied with getting by to hold them responsible.

As bad as things may be, Canadians are terrified they could be worse.

I applaud you, Mr. Hume, for taking a stand against the blithe illegality and corruption of our various levels of government. Now we just need more people to do the same.

It was over a year ago that Sarah and I first heard about Rob Ford’s cocaine habit, and there have been a series of very strong hints since that we were onto something.

But yesterday evening, John Cook of the unabashed website Gawker posted probably the best evidence yet of Ford’s drug abuse. And what’s more, he’s standing behind everything he claims.

If you haven’t read the story yet, I’ll save you the trouble: some time within the last 6 months, Ford was caught on someone’s cell phone smoking crack with a group of people, chuckling at off-colour comments, and just generally being unmayorly.

The tale behind the video is a bit twisted, but basically the guy who shot it and showed it to John Cook wants to sell it for “six figures”, which makes me think it may never see the light of day (see additional comments below). But efforts are afoot nonetheless.

The Taiwanese animated news agency NMA took a few liberties with the story (plus a few other choice Ford incidents), but they’re not far off the mark:

Of course, Ford denied the whole thing right away, taking the opportunity to flaunt his ignorance and demonize the Toronto Star while simultaneously ignoring reporters’ comments that the story actually came via Gawker. But that’s par for the course for Robbie.

A little birdie told me that behind the scenes, Ford has issued a hefty bounty on whoever’s in possession of the video. Considering that one of the people in the recording, Anthony Smith (the guy on the left in the photo above), was gunned down outside a Toronto nightclub earlier this year, that bounty probably has an “alive or dead” rider.

Rumours are also flying that Ford is proving to be too much of an embarrassment to Harper’s Criminal, erm, Conservative dynasty, so Fordo is now feeling the squeeze from both ends. I’m sure Harper isn’t upset that Ford is a law-breaking, rude, incompetent scumbag, it’s that he’s making the Conservative tyranny look bad before it can accomplish its mission.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I don’t really give much of a toss whether or not Rob snorts coke or civet droppings, it’s the fact that he’s a mayor who is openly breaking the law left right and center (not to mention admitting to not knowing how to do his job), that’s the clincher.

It’s time for Ford to go (jail would be a good start), and to take the rest of his Conservative cronies with him.

Just a few high-def old maps I pilfered from around the web.

Download the whole pack here (caution, it’s 122 MB): http://www.torontocitylife.com/downloads/Toronto_Historic_Maps_HD.zip