The Downgritty, pt.3
Posted on January 22nd, 2010 –
…continued from previous part.
As I sat down to write the conclusion to this series, I popped a couple of Jamaican beef patties into the toaster oven and pulled a bottle of Sunrite True Jamaican Scotch Bonnet Pepper sauce out of the fridge. I thought it would help me relive the experience of the day I’d bought it (how long ago?) It’s been, like, a week since I was at Kensington Market so I was trying to find creative ways to inspire my memory. I thought, well, I have a photo, and I have the hot sauce from the store in that photo, maybe something’ll connect.
In fact, it did not.
The sauce had an unusually sharp and tangy smell to it, but I attributed that to the Luciferous peppers. I wasn’t too worried because I didn’t think I’d had the bottle for that long (since the summer?). Still, I searched and searched and searched but the expiry date was nowhere to be found. Later I realized why; because it was directly in the middle of the bottle, basically in the most obvious spot one could imagine anywhere on the surface. Wow, I surprised even myself with that one.
And when later I did discover the date, after more than a few casual bites, I was even more surprised. December 31, 2008. Mui picante!
I was seriously concerned that this might lead to another type of grit, the kind that begins with rotten and spicy being ingested and ends up with runny rotten and spicy in the pants. At the worst possible time, if not planned correctly.
I have it on good authority that police won’t accept diarrhea as an excuse for speeding, so you probably wouldn’t be able to justify injuring any fellow pedestrians during a desperate toilet hunt either. That can make things challenging, even if the hot sauce isn’t potentially lethal.
However, I’m pleased to report that, as yet, I feel no ill effects. Tomorrow may be another matter entirely, but I’ll face that prospect when it comes.
And this is also the perfect opportunity to explain why I like spicy food so much: it’s cleansing. As long as I ensure that I’m familiar with the locations of all the burden-relief stations in the immediate area, I’m fine. (The one under the TD Canada Trust Centre is 100% class!) With my indiscriminately delicious diet, sometimes it’s just what the doctor ordered.
I’m not gonna leave that as the last thing I say about Kensington Market, though. That wouldn’t be fair. The hot sauce was entirely my own fault and, really, so is every self-imposed “emergency”. And most of the facilities there are cramped but usable without a hover.
And for any healthy-bowelled person, that’s not really an issue anyway. It’s all about the food there, fresh, good, and mostly stuff you can’t get at the supermarket. If I could leave you with just one image to take away from this, just one image that can’t be misread as having anything to do with the previous discussion, it would be: toasty buns.
... with pictures
... with sounds
... with videos
... with opinions
... that's shorter
... that's longer
January 22nd, 2010 7:40 pm
I love that bakery. And you are hilarious. I am all about the poop humour. I am intelligent like that.
January 24th, 2010 6:11 am
Haha! Poop humour and intelligence are not mutually exclusive if you ask me, Kato. It simply means you appreciate a broader range of subjects; I know I do! :D
January 23rd, 2010 5:59 pm
The beginning of the post had me squirming in my seat, almost made me laugh my ass off. Which I need to watch out for, being that I am an older white guy with a good case of "white mans" disease.(meaning the loss of my derrière).
I am glad for you that in the "end" everything worked out OK.
January 24th, 2010 6:14 am
From what I understand, Man Over Board, it's not limited to white folks. I know people from India, Jamaica, and other spiced-up countries that also need to be aware of their capsaicin intakes. It's just a symptom of having responsive bowels (they feel the heat just like out mouths) … seems natural to me :)
January 25th, 2010 11:15 pm
I love Kensington. you know scotch bonnet peppers are said to make you tell the truth. so unu nah luv mi jamaican nam dem?
why unu nah stop by the italshop fi rice an peas wit some cow foot. it woulda nice since unu love beef.
January 26th, 2010 7:53 am
Haha! The rice and peas are a regular part of my diet, BadGal. The cow foot, not so much (but if you recommend it, I'll try it). Ox tail too :) As for the Scotch Bonnet peppers, I'd say that's probably true. Ha! Proof right there! :D