*sigh*

I honestly thought that the naked rhetoric of Rob Ford’s “guarantees” had finally come to and end, that people had finally seen through the lies and blatant bullshit that keeps spilling out of his mouth. But then I remember that this is Ford Nation we’re talking about here, the types of people who would welcome the Fords to literally rape their family so long as he kept their child-like suspicions at bay through years of shallow, empty, meaningless, and broken promises.

And it was indeed Ford Nation, flying it’s ignorance high and proud at the recent picnic to celebrate Rob Ford’s many crowning achievements, taking the opportunity to shut down a public park to sing glory to their beloved weighty overlord. So it’s no surprise that no one in the crowd bothered to question the fact that Ford was once again making the same “guarantee” that he’s been failing miserably to implement and, in fact, has shown time and again that he has absolutely no idea how to bring about (unless someone had a couple of billion they were planning on “investing” at the event).

“There’s one thing I promise and I’m going to get, are those subways. Mark my words. The subways are coming. I have to be politically correct. I can tell you where we want to send those LRTs, but like I said, I’ve got to behave. So, LRTs can go somewhere, but subways are coming to Scarborough. Guaranteed.”

Obviously Robbie showed an insane amount of self-restraint in not swearing on an open, public mic during an all-ages event, but clearly he wanted to.

The crowd must’ve thought that Ford not telling them to go fuck themselves, or any other number of ignorance and hatred-laced Fordisms, was next to Jesus on the righteousness scale, and they hooted and hollered as their man openly lied to their faces again – open, simple, idiotic lies (and yes, at this point lies is all they can be), that anyone with half a brain would be able to see through. And therein, clearly, lies the problem.

It’s not tough to imagine that Ford’s mayoralty will come and go with more money wasted than saved, higher taxes, higher costs and reduced or eliminated services, and basically the exact opposite of everything that Ford claims. Ford will blame and point fingers, of course, and then demand to have another four years of lies and dismal failures which he will “guarantee!” will definitely, for sure — just trust him! — happen this time.

Can you blame him?

With the shit show crest that Rob Ford is surfing, it’s hard to imagine that he gets any peace and quiet at all. It’s a shock that he doesn’t just do like his brother, who correctly decided to just not show up at Council after setting the record straight with the maggots down south and at City Hall yesterday morning. I mean, why the hell should he be expected to do his job when people won’t stop asking all those damn distracting questions? Don’t they know he’s a human being with normal human feelings?!

The spectacle was ratcheted up again this morning as Robbie expressed his disgust at what was said about him in the updated court documents that were released yesterday. In those documents, Ford’s former staff say all sorts of unflattering things about the mayor’s reluctantly intoxicated conduct which, as we all know, is all HIGHLY improbable given everything we know. Granted, the mayor’s memory may be a bit sketchy on unimportant details like smoking crack in an infamous crack house, or his association with drug and gun runners, or his involvement in the Anthony Smith murder, but we can be absolutely, completely, and unwaveringly convinced of the mayor’s guaranteed honesty.

Let’s be real; if any crazy person can just say whatever they think they saw or heard when being interrogated by the police, and then have the police publicly release those statements via the courts (regardless of if that crazy person had any hand in, or knowledge of, the subsequent release), that’s clearly the highest form of slander and requires nothing less than the most vicious retaliation. That’s just sensible.

So it makes sense that Robbie would be going after his former staff, not to mention the ballsy Bier Markt and its staff, for saying such awful things about him. Impugning his honour by claiming that he made sexual remarks and was cavorting with a hooker — obviously such statements are a direct assault on the entire Ford clan who only want to live in peace and to be left alone like any other normal family. They’re practically begging for privacy, and yet the press hounds them incessantly. They media’s chutzpah knows no bounds; not even Rob’s exemplary kids are off-limits, and Doug’s innocent kids are similarly in the media spotlight as though they had some say in the matter!

Apparently having his wife appear beside him in a crowded and boisterous press conference isn’t enough to get this simple request through their thick reporter skulls, so Rob and Doug are taking to TV in their uniquely titled “Ford Nation” on the Sun News Network to let everyone know how revolted they are with their lack of privacy.

Thankfully, after the abhorrent remarks made earlier by police chief Bill Blair, the police are not taking any actions against Ford’s obviously tongue-in-cheek remarks about his driving drunk and buying illegal drugs (sure to be typified as admissions of guilt but the media maggots). And at least the cops are not intervening as the mayor asserts his right to a little personal space at his media scrums (sure to be typified as physical assault by the media maggots).

Ford, like his buddy Sandro Lisi, is finally standing up to the tidal wave of injustice and lies swelling against him. If he’s guilty of anything, it’s in being a fair and an honest man who works his ass off for the taxpayers of this city to save every last penny and eliminate taxes from the clutches of the corrupt and wasteful government.

This, Scarberians, is the brilliant Rob Fod who you allowed to get a hold of your money in order to build his vision of “subways”. Based on the video above, that will probably consist of some species of affordable unicorn covered in some manner of budget-conscious fairy dust that delivers crack cocaine to your front door, all paid for with magical gypsy gold and children’s dreams (that’s tax / fee / rent paying children, of course). This is the guy you handed the decision process to, allowing him to waste and squander what is now approaching a hundred million dollars while repeatedly “explaining” (Ford speak for “lie”), about how he’s actually saving a billion “dollars”.

The best part is how, throughout the entire process, Rob Ford kept all of his promises. Like his constantly-“guaranteed” no tax hikes, or the fact that he has managed to do everything he said he would with no service cuts, just as he promised. And above all that, I admire how honest and forthright Rob Ford and his brother have been with everyone about everything.

Then I recall how this man has given all of Toronto a heartwarming 30-year gift, his carefree attitude to anything and everything else having to do with transit, and his ability to maximize the time and money spent on a project while minimizing its value, and I am left in utter awe and amazement.

Boy, Scarborough, you really done good!

In addition to his numerous flashes of brilliance, one of Giorgio Mammoliti’s ideas included sticking a huge flagpole in a spritely section of town called Emery Village. Business owners in the area were to be mafia-style-“convinced” to support Mammoliti’s tourist-magnet concept of Canadian majesty.

“Emery village is not a tourist area. You put a giant flag at city hall or the Eaton Centre. It’s an industrial area here.” – Walter Berton, owner of Berton Seeds on Weston Road

Sadly, it seems that Giorgio’s brainchild may not be coming to fruition. The thing was supposed to have been erected at some point in 2011 and the winning idea has been hanging limp since.

It seems that Mammoliti’s bluster exceeded his capacity to carry it out. Even the concept flag in the scale model sitting outside of his office has been purloined.

This comes at the same time as Mammoliti’s buddy and everyone’s number one guy, Rob Ford, is being bitch-slapped by the Toronto Star about his economic claims. Some of the more interesting revelations on the 11-item list include:

1. “I said from Day 1: the city has a spending problem, not a revenue problem. I have proved my statement to be correct.”

For a mayor that claims that the city doesn’t have a revenue problem, Rob has spent a lot of time trying to come up with various revenue tools for city projects.

2. “Before I took office, any annual surplus was used to fill holes in bloated operating budgets. Guaranteed, this will not happen while I’m mayor. We have put an end to the unsustainable budget practices of the last administration. It is over.”

This is a Rob Ford “guarantee”, so that tag alone should be indicative how how true this statement is. In addition, the Star points to three specific instances where surpluses or “unsustainable budget practices” were used to fill budget holes under Robbie’s reign.

3. “As many of you know, I came from the private sector before I got into politics. Very, very fortunate to run my dad’s company that he started 50 years ago.”

Apparently, Rob never ran his dad’s company, he only worked for it. If his current schedule is evocative of his earlier attendance at Deco Labels and Tags, however, to say that he “worked” there would be a further stretching of the truth.

Amidst all of this looms the end of summer, spelling the end of easy season down at City Hall as everyone comes back from vacation; plus, we’re just over a year away from the next election … not a good confluence for Ford Nation.

Specifically, Stintz says that Ford is “abdicating his responsibility” (to Ford Nation: that means failing to do his job), by continually putting off on hearing about various transit funding options for the city (expected to need about $2 billion over 25 years).

The options, put forward by Metrolinx, include:

• Parking fees levy: An extra $1 a day, for a total of $1.4 billion a year.
• Sales tax: An extra 1 per cent added to the HST, for an estimated income of $1.4 billion a year.
• Fuel tax: An extra five cents per liter of gas, estimated to bring in $330 million a year.
• Payroll tax: With a hike of 0.5 per cent, this would be expected to generate $700 million a year.
• Property tax: Estimated to bring in an additional $670 million a year.
• Vehicle travel fee: Drivers would be charged 3 cents per kilometer traveled. Expected to raise $1.6 billion per year, but the setup and administrative costs would probably be massive (if this was even doable).
• Highway tolls: Same as above, but only on highways and at 10 cents a kilometre. Expected to pull in $1.4 billion a year.
• Development charges: Developers would be dinged with a 15 per cent increase, amounting to about $100 million a year.
• Transit fare increases: Guaranteed increases each and every year (in place now — thanks, Rob!), are apparently not nearly enough. An additional 15 cent per ride is expected to generate $50 million a year.
• Land value capture: This weird one has private land owners forking over cash to the government when their property values increase as a result of adjacent government projects (they build a park next door, claim that it makes your property more expensive, and skim the difference). No figures provided.

I’m not going to sit here and claim that any of these are giving me a boner, but with these few, short paragraphs, I’ve managed to do infinitely more research into the topic than Ford.

Maybe none of these ideas have any merit at all. Maybe some of them are quietly and not obviously brilliant. Rob Ford will never know as his only response is to obstinately stick his fingers in his ears, scream “I can’t hear you!”, and blame everyone and their dog for lack of planning, poor leadership, and a lack of momentum.

In the meantime, you can actually hear the paint dry as Robbie mulls over his own, intricate and vast transit plans, which comprise of:

• Casino: expected by Ford to pull in hundreds of millions, along with pixie dust and unicorns, and by those with any actual influence over it about $50 million.
• Casino: At woodbine!
• Casino: Downtown!
• Casino: At Cherry Beach!
• Casino: At the CNE!

Alright, I know that the headline is just plain old over-the-top hyperbole, but to hear Rob Ford pull this old nugget out of his ass again requires no less.

After all, this is the fourth time in as many years that Robbie’s “taking on”, “tackling”, “dismantling”, or otherwise dealing with his “guaranteed…GUARANTEED!!” election promise of getting rid of the Land Transfer Tax, one of the biggest forms of income for City Hall and hence the best way to fuck over the city for money for things like plowing snow, fixing roads, collecting garbage, etc.

I mean, I get it … who likes to pay taxes? And this particular one adds no value to something you don’t even really own — unbeknownst to most “home owners” within the Commonwealth, the Crown actually owns all the land and they are essentially renting it. But City Hall is fairly limited in where and how it can tax people, so taking away a major source of revenue will produce a massive deficit of the sort that Ford has thus far only (and falsely), attributed to his predecessors.

Essentially, Ford’s plan, which includes no way to make up for the lost revenue other than the non-existent “gravy” that proved to be just so much bullshit, would leave Toronto in a huge financial pickle. And Ford’s solution is to simply keep repeating the same old, proved-false rhetoric (like that tired Public-Private-Partnership nonsense that never materialized).

It probably won’t matter — Ford will once again toss his fellow Councillors under the bus for refusing to support his insane “plan”, even though he’s unwilling (incapable?) of putting forth any viable solutions, and will once again do nothing but cast blame and aspersions for once again failing to do what he “GUARANTEED!” he would do, over, and over, and over again.

Reality: 4, Ford: 0

“Can you believe those teachers?! Some of them are making more than one-hundred thousand dollars a year! What criminals!”

Those are the words that a family member blurted out a couple of weeks ago, perhaps in an attempt to bait me, but in any event completely unexpectedly and forcefully.

“What do you mean?”, I asked.

She went on determined to teach me what criminal scum schoolteachers and their unions are, asking me repeatedly if I’d read Bill 115 (her own interpretation coming from a newspaper), and demanding that I answer her on the spot.

“Do they start off making that much?”, I asked incredulously.

“No, they start at forty-thousand, but because of the union they’re guaranteed a pay increase of two percent every two years!”

She was steamrolling over the entire conversation at the time so I didn’t get a chance to do the math, but I did know that historically the rate of inflation was 2% so such a measure would simply keep teachers from slipping into poverty.

My interlocutor wasn’t having such arguments. “No one else gets pay increases, why should they!”

“So you’re complaining that because everyone in the private sector’s getting screwed, people who have the ability to be represented and demand better pay should be fired?”, I retorted, having heard such nonsense many times in the past.

“That’s not true!”, she replied. “These people take tax money, your money and my money, and they’re getting ridiculous salaries. Everyone else is paying for them!”

At this point I wish I’d had the opportunity to do some basic math for her since she clearly hadn’t done it herself, but she was complaining that teachers, having come out of school with thousands in debt, would be paid roughly $19 an hour (increased by an astronomical $0.38 per hour every two years or so).

“How much did dad make?”, I followed up, thinking back to my father who worked for the city and who retired after a couple of decades making considerably more. I wasn’t even going to bring up the fact that teachers are taxpayers too — that old Fordite mentality.

“Well, more, obviously,” she replied,” but he was doing a real job. All these people do is babysit children.”

I’d spent some time teaching kids too. She hadn’t even come near a school for anything more than parents’ night. So of course she demanded that this is exactly what goes on in the classroom, that I’m completely wrong (and ignorant, just for good measure), they’re all completely wrong, and we’re all getting royally ripped off by the teachers and the unions. (She also loves Ford and Harper, if that helps to explain things).

After an hour of back-and-forth, we finally managed to reach the consensus that those responsible are mostly in government, unions can be a good thing (which took many recounting of my own experiences with private industry abuses), and that maybe people could be paid a wage that allows them to both live and pay off their debts (though this took a lot — Conservatives abhor this idea and expend a lot of effort in quashing it).

When I finally hung up I got to thinking whether or not the teachers would even be launching an illegal strike to meet their demands, so deemed by Premiere McGuinty and the Ontario Labour Relations Board. Then I remembered this little gem from the Charter of Rights and Freedoms (right near the top):

Fundamental Freedoms

2. Everyone has the following fundamental freedoms:

• (a) freedom of conscience and religion;
• (b) freedom of thought, belief, opinion and expression, including freedom of the press and other media of communication;
• (c) freedom of peaceful assembly; and
• (d) freedom of association.

So according to the highest law of the land, expressing your demands, peacefully assembling, etc. — basically everything a strike is about — are FULLY PROTECTED UNDER LAW.

The really sad thing is that no newspaper anywhere in the province has bothered to bring up the fact that the tyrannical government of Ontario, along with the OLRB, are the ones acting illegally. They are ignoring federal laws and instead simply saying  that they’re going to take these incredibly unlawful actions. And then to impose a contract on the teachers while telling them to get back to work — what the fuck is that?

And if you speak out about something so blatantly obvious, something so simple that a child can see it, you’re branded a conspiracy kook who should be spending time in solitary confinement with a tin foil hat.

Certainly that’s the high horse on which my family member rode in on – summarily dismissing such obvious signs of a tyrannical dictatorship because, clearly, people in positions of power have NEVER abused it, and because a “newspaper” sporting half naked women, ads for hookers, and more advertising and pictures than words, told her that’s how things are.

Perhaps the most bizarre takeaway from the conversation was my family member’s insistence that I need to read Bill 115 because it’s so gloriously correct, but all of the plethora of documents by and from the government, on their website, showing their criminality, malfeasance, and generally nefarious and outright evil plans for the future, are all blatant lies and complete fabrications.

In other words, Bill 115 must be true because it agrees with what she was told, and all of the other documents are a straight up lie because they’re just too unpleasant. You know — if you don’t see it, it doesn’t exist — kind of thing.

I remember asking my family member how she thought all of the other evil governments of the past and present managed to take a hold. After all, it’s a safe bet to say that most citizens would not choose to live under such conditions.

I was met with a deafening silence.

“Yeah,” I replied, “that’s exactly how it happens.”

Just when you think you’ve seen every form of stupidity that Rob Ford can muster …

Yesterday, for example, Rob Ford voted against the new city budget. Well, technically, not the whole budget, just the part that he himself had put in there!

Yeah, that’s not a typo — Ford actually voted against a part of the city’s budget that he pushed to get have included. The specific part in question has to do with the 2% property tax increase that, if you recall, he vehemently “guaranteed” year after year would be completely eliminated (just one of the many of Rob’s boldfaced, ignorance-laced, and denigratory lies).

Of course, being Ford, he reneged on that little campaign promise almost as soon as he was done telling pinkos where they can stuff it, but he kept on maintaining that he was doing everything he could to keep it at reasonable levels. Those ended up being exactly what they were prior to when he took office, so in effect Rob Ford has managed to completely fail on this end.

Just like his much-vaunted lies about all of the gravy at City Hall that never materialized, Ford has once again flown his true colours as an unabashed liar, and a bumbling buffoon of an unabashed liar at that. I mean, if this last-minute vote against his own measure is some sort of half-assed attempt to control the “optics” of his awful mayoralty (unsurprisingly, despite what the Toronto Sun says, with the help of useful idiot monkeys like Giorgio Mammoliti), he must be depending on citizen’s abject ignorance of what he’s been up to as late as last week, or he’s depending on them being so thick as to believe the crap he’s pushing.

Then again, this is Ford Nation we’re talking about here, the same small group of knuckle-dragging troglodytes who claim that black is white, up is down, “gravy” is everywhere at City Hall, Ford saves the city money (instead of costing everyone money), Toronto taxpayers is a group that only includes them (hence they are the only ones with the right to an opinion), and so on and so on. No, I wasn’t joking when I called them severely mentally ill — how else could you keep swallowing Ford’s blatant and fetid shit all this time and continue to call it candy?

Every once in a while I get to talking to random people on the streets about Rob Ford, and invariably the comment, “that’s some mayor you guys elected”, gets tossed out.

So just so everyone’s clear on this: NO WE FUCKING DIDN’T!

In fact, the record clearly shows that almost no one in the city proper voted for Ford. Just because he happens to have gotten elected by light thinkers living on the periphery of the vast region that comprises the city doesn’t mean that the city majority actually voted for him. In fact, in the final tally, only 25% of the Toronto borders, from Scarborough to Etobicoke, actually voted for Ford (about 50% of Toronto voted, and about 50% of those people voted for Ford). He didn’t get a majority by any means, he simply got the most votes in a race where votes were split between a number of people.

Ford Nation doesn’t seem to get this simple fact — adding 1 and 1 seems to be a feat for these people so that’s not surprising — and they maintain (usually on heady sounding boards like the Toronto Sun’s article response threads, brilliant groups like “I Hate The War on Rob Ford“, or brainiac power circles like the “Toronto Taxpayers Coalition“), that because he was elected by a “majority” (sorry, not even close), he should have dictatorial powers. And how dare the city practice representative democracy by allowing 43 other democratically elected Councillors to contradict His Highness on HIS  MANDATE! (doesn’t matter how many votes those Councillors got or how many people they represent).

This is why the remaining 75% of Toronto (probably much more at this point), are pissed off with Ford and his hand-up-the-ass puppet master / brother Doug.

They don’t represent us.

None of their efforts are benefiting downtown residents, which is seen by their supporters as a sort of “yeah, fuck you downtown!” response to those of us “elites” who live here (in neighbourhoods like Regent Park). And I get that the suburbs haven’t exactly gotten the infrastructure that they need, but that doesn’t mean that downtown residents are living some sort of glamorous lifestyle on the backs of taxpayers (oh, and we also pay taxes … shocker!) And they should know that — they use the same fucking transit lines and roads that they themselves congest, that we do. Or would, if only they weren’t such selfish fucks about it.

But that’s my own generalization and it’s unfair, in exactly the same way as putting all the focus on the suburbs and completely neglecting to take care of downtown is. Difference is that I can both see and admit to it. And that, along with a complete inability to see issues for what they are, are Rob-Doug’s abject failures.

Yeah, that’s right — removing the Jarvis Street bike lane based on a lie and at the taxpayers’ expense, isn’t going to ease any of the congestion issues anywhere else in the city, and barely on Jarvis at that (all the idiots that applauded this move are still sitting in traffic on the DVP, Gardiner, 401, etc.)

And cutting the vehicle registration tax saves drivers (again, mostly outside of the city), mere pennies a day amounting to a pittance in the pocket of fools who continue to rage at the real problems that are being ignored (you mean Ford hasn’t fixed traffic or parking or the price of gas?! Those damn Leftards!).

Oh, and that failure of the removal of the Land Transfer Tax (“guaranteed!” over and over again), would’ve saved people the same amount of money that Ford claimed the city was suddenly in the red for. In other words, he knew it would leave the city in a financial hole, lied about it, tried to blame it on his predecessor, and all openly under the noses of the same rubes that received Ford’s scorn because he didn’t get his way on the plastic bag tax. Yeah, he’ll turn on you faster than a rabid dog if he senses any trouble — and thanks for your support!

But at least we know that Fordo’s taking plentiful time out of his “busy” schedule (which no one’s allowed to see, but which doesn’t qualify as behind-closed-doors “skullduggery”), to coach football for his old grade school (abusing his position and city resources — and staff — while he’s at it, and telling everyone that his “commitment”  is on the field and not at City Hall), and helping out those poor, disadvantaged black kids.

The elimination of the Land Transfer Tax is actually a Ford election promise, unlike his push for subways, so that part of his ongoing bluster on the subject is true. The rest, however, including his recent assurance to have it eliminated by the end of his term, has been just one long pile of growing bullkaka.

For starters, shortly before he was elected he made a speech to the Toronto Real Estate Board promising that the LTT would be completely gone by the end of 2012 … “guaranteed!”

Ford blamed the Ontario government’s impending election for delaying the changes beyond his first year.

A little over that first year later, speaking in front of the same group, he vowed to have the LTT reduced by up to 25% by the end of 2012.

“I can’t say we’re gonna wipe it out this year, but it might be a quarter this year, a half next year, or — you know, but we’re gonna do it piece by piece. You’re gonna see a portion of the land transfer tax, I don’t know how much right now, be gone by the end of next year,” Ford said.

Granted we’re not exactly at the end of 2012 yet but Ford is already backing down on even this revised plan (once again revealed in front of the same Toronto Real Estate Board meeting), saying that he’d like to have the process of repealing the tax started by the end of his term in 2014. And in typical Ford fashion, he wants people to “get in councillor’s faces” in order to get his way.

“Folks, you must get in the councillors’ faces,” Mr. Ford said. “As we succeed in reducing costs, we can begin to phase out that terrible land transfer tax, which I never supported and I am adamant to get rid of. I’d like to start doing that before this council term is up.”

To reiterate:

2010 – Rob Ford “guarantees” to have the LTT eliminated by 2012, maybe 2011. Blames MPs, elections for possible delays.
2011 –  Rob Ford cuts back on his “guarantee”, now claiming to have the LTT reduced by about 25% in 2012.
2012 – Rob Ford completely reneges on his “guarantee”, vowing to hopefully set something in motion on the LTT by the end of 2014 (much like many of his other plans). He invites constituents to get in councillors’ faces, presumably because he blames them for his inability to gain traction on the issue.

This, according to Ford-backing tabloid Toronto Sun, is considered “tackling” the LTT. Hmm…why is it still walking then?